Shit the Announcers Say (Week 7) nfl

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Week 7

Time
Away

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Home

Thu 08:25PM
JAX
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TEN

Sun 01:00PM
NE
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BUF

Sun 01:00PM
ARI
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CAR

Sun 01:00PM
NYJ
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CLE

Sun 01:00PM
DET
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HOU

Sun 01:00PM
KC
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IND

Sun 01:00PM
SEA
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NO

Sun 01:00PM
OAK
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TB

Sun 04:05PM
SD
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DEN

Sun 04:25PM
GB
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ATL

Sun 08:30PM
PHI
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DAL

Sun 09:30PM
WAS
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CIN

Mon 08:30PM
MIN
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CHI

What games are on TV in my area?

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bam

bam

Here is what the nfl community thinks;

SAS Week 7! And remember, if you explicitly give a quote from an announcer in a game day thread with the announcer listed, there is a good chance to be featured here!

Week 1

Week 2

Week 3

Week 4

Week 5

Week 6

This week features: Allergies in the netherworld or whatever.

1) "He threw it behind Cobb on purple- ON PURPOSE!" –Phil Simms (CHI vs. GB)

Via /u/IDunnoLXG

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2) "That's what he can do coming off the side… oops, other side." –Phil Simms

Via https://twitter.com/philsimmsquotes/status/789268345409331200

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3) "He was trying to go across the middle, and it was not a person." –Phil Simms

Via /u/PBearLawson

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4) "For a guy with such a long play sheet, it seems he only calls 4-5 plays". –Kevin Harlan (on Giants coach McAdoo) (NYG vs. London Rams)

Via /u/throwaway23347

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5) "Rodgers-Cromartie could have called for a fair catch on this ball." — Dan Fouts (NYG vs. London Rams)

Via https://twitter.com/vcsjoecurley/status/790231949616885761

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6) “He heaves it off into the netherworld!" –Andrew Catalon (CLE vs. CIN)

Via /u/No32

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7) "I'm starting to get allergic to the color yellow." –Greg Gumbel (OAK vs. JAX)

Via https://twitter.com/FakeRudyMartzke/status/790287441336922112

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8) "Nobody was open. Gronk was open over the middle." –Phil Simms (NE vs. PIT)

Via /u/Heywood_Jahblowmee

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9) “Well whatever, I might give you a whatever you know? Whatever, that’s all I got.” –Cris Collinsworth (AZ vs. SEA)

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10) "With the money you didn't give Osweiler you can get another chain." – Steve Levy (HOU vs. DEN)

Via /u/reddbunny1370

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11) “Your chart is bigger than Kubiak's!” –Jon Gruden “This is the menu for the postgame meal back at the hotel.” –Sean McDonough (HOU vs. DEN)

Via https://twitter.com/DanLeach971/status/790752953418280960

Whether or not the cardinals should call a timeout and try to get the ball back or just let the game go into OT.

In a fix? Call 4th and 26! The People's Champ! FredEx ALWAYS delivers.

What a great play. What a terrible player.

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Shit the Announcers Say (Week 6)

SAS Week 6! And remember, if you explicitly give a quote from an announcer in a game day thread with the announcer listed, there is a good chance to be featured here!

Week 1

Week 2

Week 3

Week 4

Week 5

This week features: Communist Tom Brady, Unnecessary pointing, and Steven Hooshka. Also, can we start a GoFundMe to get Tirico back. McDonough has destroyed Gruden’s happiness.

1) "It's always a collect effort when you talk about the SD offense, we talked to Dennison, and they all talk.” –Phil Simms (DEN vs. SD)

Via https://twitter.com/philsimmsquotes/status/786752656157081601

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2) "He's so quick. That's what they call 'getting off'" –Phil Simms

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3) "What a courageous punt" – Phil Simms

Via /u/Pismiire

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4) "I think they're pulling his finger back into place, but I'm not gonna guess on injuries." –Phil Simms

Via https://twitter.com/pensfan22030/status/786730305738641408

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5) "Kinda confusing but you know what I'm saying. Could you follow me?" –Phil Simms

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6) "And there's Tom Brady as a Minuteman!" – Ian Eagle Camera shows a fan poster of Brady as Che Guevara (CIN vs. NE)

Via /u/SpaceWorld

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7) "Unnecessary pointing. There's officials on the field for that." –Greg Gumbel (BAL vs. NYG)

Via /u/kipz61

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8) Steven "Hooshka" –Terry Bradshaw (on pronouncing Seahawks kicker Steven Hauschka)

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9) "A typhoon of flags" –Ronde Barber (ATL vs. SEA)

Via /u/dillardPA

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10) "He came into the Indianapolis locker room and he said: 'You have all these banners up, all these championships…in Cleveland we just had wood.'" –Cris Collinsworth (talking about D’Quell Jackson) (IND vs. HOU)

Via /u/davinci_jr

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MLB CAMEO: "He's like an athlete stuck in a pitchers body" (on the Blue Jays Michael Stroman) –Ron Darling (CLE vs. TOR)

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Announcer gif of the week: Gruden shows McDonough his mating dance to lessen the tension between them.

Here is what the nfl community thinks;

"The way this game has been officiated is not something anybody wants to watch" -McDonough, 2016

He actually said something funny last night, I even mentioned it in the gamethread, but damned if I can remember what it was..

He said the ref should make sure he has his SAG card because when you get that many speaking lines they usually require you to be part of the union.

That's it! My SO just reminded me a minute ago. The game was so damn long that I managed to put away a whole bottle of wine by half-time and it's all a little fuzzy now.

My favorite was when there was yet another flag and the exchange with Gruden went something like:

Gruden: "Another flag."

McDonough: "Shocker."

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Shit the Announcers Say (Week 5)

SAS Week 5! And remember, if you explicitly give a quote from an announcer in a game day thread with the announcer listed, there is a good chance to be featured here!

Week 1

Week 2

Week 3

Week 4

This week possibly features: On air aneurisms, bad camera angles, and an Aikman realization

1) "This game's driving them to drink." –Phil Simms (AZ vs. SF)

Via /u/totes_probably

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2) "Tennessee, Miami by the way there's some possibilities there that because of the hurricane possibility of that game possibly being relocated" –Jim Nantz (AZ vs. SF)

Via /u/IAmADopelyLitSavage

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3) "When are you gonna say… hey, you can't predict. One week happens the next." –Phil Simms

Via https://twitter.com/philsimmsquotes/status/784209304135999488

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4) "Klug walked through the left tackle and left guard all by himself. That's not supposed to be possible in the NFL." –Andrew Catalon (TEN vs. MIA)

Via /u/BRock11

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5) "No one has ever questioned the talent of Sam Bradford." –Spero Dedes (HOU vs. MIN)

Via /u/Economy_Cactus

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6) "Let's look at why Cyrus Jones was ejected." –Greg Gumbel

(plays video of him not in the frame)

"There you go!" –Gumbel (NE vs. CLE)

Via /u/advillious

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7) "What's going on with this Colts defense, they've been bad for a long time." –Troy Aikman (CHI vs. IND)

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8) "Just so you understand at home, they are crowding the line of scrimmage to stop the run." –Phil Simms (CIN vs. DAL)

Via https://twitter.com/philsimmsquotes/status/785227310987259904

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9) "That's what 1-3 teams do, they self destruct." –Jon Gruden (TB vs. CAR)

Via /u/Words_are_Windy

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10) "You're gonna see penetration" – Jon Gruden

Via /u/Basshead_710

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11) "If it were Madden, his awareness would be at 0" –Charles Woodson on Cam Newton (TB vs. ATL)

Via /u/spekkke

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12) "I didn't have a game plan for my backup quarterback, I just got the punt team ready.” –Jon Gruden

Via /u/WenchSlayer

Here is what the nfl community thinks;

"The highlight of the first half was the 10 second penalty runoff." – Gruden

Or something along those lines.

I remember that! Or something like it. Gruden was brutal. He was shitting on things and you really couldn't tell which team was about.

One thing that cracked me up was:

Sean McDonough: "And here they come to call the challenge flag" (extremely obvious statement)

Gruden: "You're getting pretty good at this now, Sean"

It did, I wish I recorded it. The other announcer (sorry I don't know their names) didn't even acknowledge it.

"Thus far the raven is…satisfied with..things"

When the camera was focused on the raven and bird handler on the sideline.

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Shit the Announcers Say (Week 4)

SAS Week 4! And remember, if you explicitly give a quote from an announcer in a game day thread with the announcer listed, there is a good chance to be featured here!

Week 1

Week 2

Week 3

This week features: Even more Simms innuendos, a Gruden that may murder Sean McDonough any day now, and terrible, awful memes.

1) “Balls feel better in your hand when they're moist.” –Phil Simms (MIA vs. CIN)

Via /u/IsNotACleverMan

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2) "It was an obvious but not obvious passing situation on second down." –Phil Simms

Via https://twitter.com/philsimmsquotes/status/781681346452262912

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3) "I can't imagine they would blitz in this situation." (Bengals blitz on next play) – Phil Simms

Via https://twitter.com/philsimmsquotes/status/781693815333715968

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4) "This could be called on either team" –Andrew Catalon

"That's generally the case" –Steve Tasker (OAK vs. BAL)

Via /u/CherylCarolWhatever1

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5) “Shank! (on a punt that went out of bounds at the opposing team's 6 yard line)” –Joe Buck (DAL vs. SF)

Via /u/Stamm

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6) "Cole Beasley is a matchup nightmare" – Joe Buck

Via https://twitter.com/DavisMattek/status/782679578187669504

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7) "He can really get some yards if no one tackles him."-Troy Aikman

"What are some key ways they can work on that Troy?" –Joe Buck

Via https://twitter.com/NoThoughtsHere/status/782690873800691712

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8) "What's the maximum quarterback rating again?" –Al Michaels (KC vs. PIT)

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9) "If we're doing memes, I want to do one! This is a picture of Haley's daughter, Ella, playing against the boys." –Cris Collinsworth (KC vs. PIT)

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10) "A rare down field throw… maybe that's why they don't do it" –Sean McDonough (after an Eli INT) (NYG vs. MIN)

Via /u/sitrepped

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Announcer video of the week: The Steelers-Chiefs game was such a blowout Michele Tafoya and the crew starting talking about memes.

Here is what the nfl community thinks;

"Anthony Barr is a 6'5 inside linebacker" – John Gruden

Said this multiple times

Barr has only ever played OLB

he had a lot of slip ups last night. I don't usually watch MNF, so I don't understand the Gruden love fest here.

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Shit the Announcers Say (Week 3)

SAS Week 3! And remember, if you explicitly give a quote from an announcer in a game day thread with the announcer listed, there is a good chance to be featured here!

Week 1

Week 2

This week features some announcing classics: bad math, jinxes, and leg talent

1) “We make notes and I made a note on the top of this piece of paper: For 5 years, the Patriots defense is fast.” –Phil Simms (HOU vs. NE)

Via https://twitter.com/philsimmsquotes/status/779158439066861568

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2) "The name says it all…. Legarrette Blount….. he's a bulldozer." –Phil Simms

Via /u/Schwingdom

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3) "Martellus Bennett can run as fast as that fast group of tight ends in the NFL."- Phil Simms

Via /u/Zoniako

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4) "He's hit his last 8 [completions] in a row to 9 different receivers." –Dan Fouts (DEN vs. CIN)

Via https://twitter.com/7Marshall/status/780131863989882882

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5) “There isn’t a defense in the world who wants to see No. 10 [Eli] driving in this late situation” (Eli throws pick on next play to end game). –Joe Buck (WAS vs. NYG)

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6) "Cam Newton just doesn't run out of the pocket anymore" (Cam then runs out of pocket for TD) –Ronde Barber (MIN vs. CAR)

Via /u/butmuhfeefees

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7) “The referees jerseys are getting tighter. Ya know, the things I notice up here.” –Phil Simms (PIT vs. PHI)

Via /u/grasshop

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8) "There's the first touchdown by the LA Rams and it didn't take long to get!" –Dick Sotckton (LA vs. TB)

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9) "They drafted a rookie" – Phil Simms

Via /u/-Vaudeville

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10) "I think Bears fans would like to see them Play 60." – Cris Collinsworth (CHI vs. DAL)

Via /u/reddbunny1370

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11) "This young man has some leg talent." –Jon Gruden (ATL vs. NO)

Via /u/Munsunned

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Announcer Video of the Week: Al Michaels with the pipes challenging Carrie Underwood

Here is what the nfl community thinks;

Who do you think snaps first, Nantz killing Simms or Gruden killing the pile of oatmeal they have on there with him?

Our two home games against the AFC are done, so I don't have to listen to Phil Simms again until next year.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but our game with you guys is in the 1:25 slot on CBS, so we might have to suffer through Idiot Simms together.

"How did they get a delay of game penalty when running a hurry up offense?"

"…They didn't hurry up enough."

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Shit the Announcers Say (Week 2)

SAS Week 2! And remember, if you explicitly give a quote from an announcer in a game day thread with the announcer listed, there is a good chance to be featured here!

Week 1

This week features: A worryingly growing quantity of Simms, Ronde Barber pawning his daughter off, and condescending wood dating.

1) "Beer is a wonderful thing." –Phil Simms (NYJ vs. BUF)

Via /u/imkunu

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2) "Matt Forte is like a QB who throws the ball to the right spot" –Phil Simms

Via /u/atreyus_ghost

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3) “In my eyes, it was a completion.” (After incomplete ruling) “He was out of bounds and didn’t have control, it’s incomplete.” –Phil Simms

Via https://twitter.com/philsimmsquotes/status/776580959663562753

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4) "He is a good long ball thrower because he can throw the ball so high." –Phil Simms

Via /u/BEGA500

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5) "Dangerfield looking for some respect out there." –Dan Fouts (CIN vs. PIT)

Via /u/RoswellSpaceman

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6) "Denver with too many men on the field and Indianapolis struggling to put 11 men on defense" -Jim Nantz (IND vs. DEN)

Via /u/Man0nTheMoon915

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7) “Look at this throwing motion. You don’t have to tell. You can tell.” –Phil Simms (IND vs. DEN)

Via https://twitter.com/philsimmsquotes/status/777619016231682049

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8) "Luke Kuechly is the kinda guy you want to your daughter to come home with" –Ronde Barber (SF vs. CAR)

Via /u/cushyl

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9) How does someone who has never had a vegetable in his life wind up on a Wheaties box? – Al Michaels (GB vs. MIN)

Via /u/shruber

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Announcer cameo of the week: Pac 12 after dark takes over as the Cal-Texas announcers break into the SAS thread! (Courtesy of /r/cfb)

10) "Now this piece here is from the 1920's obviously…" (speaking on the salvaged wood from Cal’s stadium) – Quint Kessenich (TEXAS vs. CAL)

Via /u/MWStringer

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11) "Most of Beuchele's throws tend to be deep, short, or to the outside." –Rod Gilmore (TEXAS vs. CAL)

Via /u/MWStringer

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12) "See instead of putting the horns up I put the horns down…see? Get it!?" –Mark Jones (TEXAS vs. CAL)

Via /u/Austinperroux

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Announcer video of the week: Gruden’s withdrawal from Tirico leaving has reached a strange stage.

Here is what the nfl community thinks;

Yea, he's an incredible athlete so he's always been a great punt/kick returner. He was never more than an average receiver for us though. I was just laughing at the thought of him playing CB.

Nantz was as on point with that as he was when he said, "at least he didn't fumble his helmet" about Jamaal Charles last season against the Broncos.

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Shit the Announcers Say (Week 1)

SAS is back for another year of obvious statements and bad jokes! We are into Year 4 in fact of SAS. And remember, if you explicitly give a quote from an announcer in a game day thread with the announcer listed, there is a good chance to be featured here!
This week features: flossing, runny noses, and brutal honesty.

Best of the Preseason!

0) “This is really unbelievable. The Chargers' special teams were bad to epic proportions last year. 84 total retards, uh, total return yards all year!” –Kevin Burkhardt (SD vs. MIN)

Via /u/WhirledWorld

Week 1:

1) "This guy just loves football." –Cris Collinsworth (as Cam Newton flosses his teeth on the sidelines) (CAR vs. DEN)

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2) "Look at what Suh does" (Circles Jordan Phillips, who did nothing on the play.) -Dan Fouts (MIA vs. SEA)

Via /u/IamTheWallers67

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3) "Rex coached Joe for ten seasons here in Baltimore." –Solomon Wilcots (forgetting that 2008-2008 wasn’t 10 years) (BUF vs. BAL)

Via https://twitter.com/itsahooded4iron/status/775055171441324032

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4) "Aaron Rodgers doing his best Russell Wilson" –John Lynch (GB vs. JAX)

Via /u/JuanFutbol

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5) "The team that scores touchdowns is gonna win more often than not" –Troy Aikman (NYG vs. DAL)

Via /u/NormVanBroccoli

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6) "Pound you inside, on those inside gaps." –Cris Collinsworth (NE vs. AZ)

Via /u/IdunnoLXG

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7) “So there are about four flags on the field.” –Al Michaels

“Hope no one has to blow their nose anytime soon!” –Cris Collinsworth

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8) "Try to save a little money here and there and that’s what happens!" –Cris Collinsworth (after a missed AZ field goal at the end of regulation)

Via /u/apiffany

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9) “His recliner is a treadmill. He eats dinner on a Roman chair while doing abdominal crunches!” –Jon Gruden (on Antonio Brown)

“…He is the Most Interesting Man in the World” –Sean McDonough (PIT vs. WAS)

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10) "You're not very good, Sean." –Jon Gruden to Sean McDonough

Via /u/cloudlight

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11) "The Rams set offensive football back fifty years" –Herm Edwards (LA vs. SF)

Via /u/armydude956

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12) Announcer Pic of the Week: Phil Simms is the master of the telestrator.

13) Announcer Video of the Week: Al Michaels breaks out the dad jokes with Peyton.

Here is what the nfl community thinks;

It really is weird, but to Jon's credit, he's done a fantastic job of staying neutral while announcing his brother's games the past two years.

Outside of the time Jay called Spider 2 Y Banana on 4th and 1. Jon when nuts when that happened.

Of course, that may have just been the Spider 2 Y Banana, not Jay.

Oddly, a I got got the feeling last night that he favorited us last night instead of his brother's team. Made me think that maybe there was some feud going on between them or something, but it was probably because Gruden always praises whatever team is doing well at the moment.

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